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When your face is as scarred as mine is, it becomes difficult to successfully grow a beard. Fortunately, there are only seldom situations where beards come in handy, such as when shrouding your identity after a bank heist, or when tucking into one of the artery-clogging staples at Paddington’s Cheekyburger.

Knuckles Sandwich Bar

It’s the inkblot test – whether you think of a knock to the face, or a succulent hock of pork. Although here, co-owner Diana Thompson assures us, “Knuckles is just a fun and easy to remember name.”

The Oxford Tavern

With any luck, the super cute five-buck Cheeseburger ($5) here - sandwiching beef, mustard, crunchy pickles, ketchup and gooey cheese between soft, sweet brioche buns - will be the death knell for Stanmore McDonalds.