Arts & Entertainment

THE NAKED CITY –  GIFTS THAT KEEP ON GIVING!

The Government wants us to go out and spend, spend, spend but many are tightening their belts in anticipation of a horror year financially in 2021. Just what will happen to the usual Christmas splurge over the next few weeks remains to be seen, likewise the storming of department stores on boxing day for the traditional cut price sales. Perhaps the whole giving of Christmas gifts this year needs to take on a totally different perspective, one that recognises the world at large and not just family and friends. 

Already we have seen some novel suggestions like Tourism Australia’s promotion to give a holiday or a home grown experience as your Christmas gift this year. To quote their pitch: “This holiday season, why not give the gift of adventure, inspiration and unforgettable memories? Give your loved one an off-grid getaway, an epic skydive or a meal that lingers long after you leave the restaurant. Australia, we’re living in the best gift shop in the world.”

It’s hard to say how children will react when there are no large packages around the Christmas tree, only an envelope with a gift certificate for a day out at the Big Merino in Goulburn. Forget about the latest Nintendo crap, now’s the time to instil some much needed austerity and a greater sense of our cultural heritage.

It is of course a shame that Australia’s de facto territories like Manus Island and Nauru don’t fall within the charter of Tourism Australia. There are many in the community who would willingly throw in for an extended holiday in these tropical paradises for select members of the Federal Government, i.e. those unyielding supporters of off shore detention. No Hawaiian jaunt for ScoMo this summer but a complimentary two weeks, beach front in beautiful Nauru.

So let’s embrace this spirit of Christmas giving in the so called new normal. And here’s a selection of gift suggestions, appropriate for some of our best known Australians:

Trump Toilet Paper: With Trump soon to leave the White House this novelty item has lost all cache and is bound to be going cheap. Why not send a six pack to Pauline Hanson, the crew at Sky News After Dark or any of Trump’s most vocal supporters in this country.

Blinky Bill T-Shirt: The Deputy Premier John Barilaro would be a most deserving recipient following the great koala stoush in State Parliament. In fact, send one to every politician in Macquarie Street and request at least one day of wearing over the holiday period.

Headless Body In Topless Bar T-Shirt: Just the gift for Miranda Devine after her recent sojourn at the New York Post and her services to the tabloid media and re-election of Trump.

Rolf Harris Wobble Board: Draw your own conclusions here but I could certainly see George Pell entertaining fellow clergy at the Vatican with this now somewhat despised artefact of Australiana.

CD of Twisted Sister’s Greatest Hits: Personally autographed by Dee Snider and what better present for the man who has everything, Clive Palmer. Throw in DVDs of Titanic and Jurassic Park and Clive will have plenty of festive time to contemplate some of his past follies.

Dr Jack Kervokian Gift Certificate: Inscribed “Good For Only One Visit”, many would see it as a tasteless gag but let’s face it there are some public figures we just can’t stand. Best not to include your return address on the envelope when you post it!