What To Do When You Need The Loo… And Have No Toilet Paper

Over the past month it has been nearly impossible to find toilet paper anywhere as a result of COVID-19 and the panic buying that ensued. Have you become a terrified victim of the toilet paper shortage? Are you tired of that sinking feeling of dread each time you turn your trolley into the toilet paper aisle at Woolies or Coles? Look no further! We took to social media to ask the one question that is gripping the nation: what are some alternatives to toilet paper?

USE SOME UNWANTED LITERATURE

Just grab a few pages out of an unwanted book and wipe away. “[Malcolm] Turnbull just released his book – it makes for a good arse wipe”, said Frank on City Hub’s Facebook page. Another reader Martin also suggested Hilary Clinton’s biography saying, “[It’s] sort of already covered in crap but if you’re desperate…”

CLEAN OUT YOUR WARDROBE

We’re living in desperate times here, people. Do an annual wardrobe clean-out but instead of bagging everything up and donating it to Vinnies, cut your old clothes into strips and use them to keep your parts clean. City Hub reader Maz said, “…if you’re not allowed out [to buy toilet paper], tear up the old t-shirts!”

INVEST IN A BUM GUN

Locals have been using them in Thailand for years. Buy a shower head and connect it directly to your toilet’s water supply. You might end up with a wet bathroom, but Dennis says it does the job. “It attaches to the water outlet on the toilet and then I guess you just…use a flannel to wipe dry?”

By Madison Behringer