NAKED CITY – STALINIST CHIQUE!

By Coffin Ed.

The recent death of American student Otto Warmbier, after 18 months of imprisonment in North Korea, highlighted the dangers inherent in any tourist jaunt to this Stalinist Disneyland. Warmbier’s only crime was supposedly the theft of a propaganda poster from his hotel for which he copped fifteen years hard labour. Had it been Dennis Rodman who had lifted the poster one suspects the pudgy Kim Jong Un would have had it autographed, framed and personally presented as a memento of the former baskeballer’s visit.

Clearly the less celebrated Warmbier was handpicked to be made an example of, a situation made even worse by his almost hysterical displays of contrition. God knows what his sentence would have been had he really upset the North Koreans like pissing on a statue of Kim Jong-il or handing out free DVDs of The Interview and Team America.

Nobody really knows why the North Koreans permit a highly selected number of tourist groups to visit each year, usually coinciding with one of their major propaganda festivals. Some have suggested that it’s one way of luring foreign currency into the widely impoverished country, although they have allegedly been counterfeiting US dollars for decades. It’s also no secret that most journalists are usually banned and tourists who do visit are strictly supervised.

Nevertheless there is a certain perverse fascination on the part of those who do join official tours in stepping back in time into a truly Stalinist regime with abundant photo opportunities of giant statues and equally enormous political portraits. Your North Korean tour guides will not only expect your reverence but demand it if you step out of line. Meanwhile underneath your breath you can mock the whole horrible nightmare of despotism as you merrily snap away – i.e. that’s where it is permitted.

During the Cultural Revolution in China, a number of artefacts from that upheaval found their way into Australia like Mao’s Little Red Book and his signature cap. Some like the red star army cap even became a fashion statement and Chinese propaganda posters were a much sought after item for the groovy inner city pad. Whether we will ever see an influx of North Korean ‘curios’ remains to be seen but the market is certainly ripe for exploitation.

Perhaps the evil nature of the current dynasty, with the imprisonment of thousands of dissidents, will put a dampener on any such tourist items, but lookout, the Kim Jong-un ‘cat scratching post’ is already with us. With the flamethrower a popular form of execution on the part of the current regime, a Kim Jong-Un cigarette lighter is not beyond the bounds of possibility and appalling bad taste.

And what of that horrendous haircut, which the young Kim has mandated as a style for all his true believers. Yes, there’s a full hair and face mask available on ebay, as well as a bobble head and all manner of t-shirts, military style garb and badges. Maybe the onslaught has already begun and it’s the cultural ephemera we should really be worried about, not those misfiring missiles which threaten to take out North Queensland.