The Naked City: Gaffes, Bloopers, Clangers And Just Plain Wrong!

When the speaker Bronwyn Bishop introduced the Chinese president Xi Jinping to Federal Parliament as “Xi Jinjing” I’m sure there was a collective cringe of disbelief among all those present at this history-making occasion. Okay she ‘jinged’ when she should have ‘pinged’ but it certainly could have been worse. Maybe Angela Merkin or even Vladimir Rasputin?  Oh the mind does play terrible tricks when you are under the spotlight!

We do have a proud history of public gaffes in this country  and the normally faultless headmistress of the house was simply doing her best, or worst, to expand the list of unforgiveable howlers. Like the time a hapless reporter at Sydney airport asked Dave Brubeck, of the Dave Brubeck quartet, how many musicians he had in his band. Again at the airport it’s also on record that bluesman Muddy Waters was once asked whether he had packed any waternelons in his luggage!

Tassie’s Jacqui Lambie is obviously the current queen of homegrown gaffes, probably only a few short of publishing her own anthology. There are two many to list here but perhaps her declaration of war on “Shari’s Law” as part of the burqa controversy holds the current gold gong. The silver, however, still belongs to Tony Abbott with his advice to the party room faithful that no one can be “the suppository of all wisdom”.

Gaffes are by no means restricted to mispronunciation or malapropisms and the international stage is littered with all manner of diplomatic clangers, like the time Silvio Berlusconi, notorious for his own spray-on tan, attempted to compliment Barrack Obama by describing him as “suntanned”. George W Bush still reigns as America’s greatest gaffe master with quotations like, “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”

Maybe George W developed the art of gaffology by studying his father’s much maligned Vice President Dan Quayle who gave us such memorable quotes as “Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child” and the incredibly reassuring “The future will be better tomorrow”.

Admittedly the media are omnipresent, lurking like hungry sharks to devour any dumb speak that slips from the mouth of any politician or celebrity. Say something stupid and it will be engraved and enshrined in electronic granite, a monument to your inanity for years to come. On the other hand if you are the kind of celebrity who craves the media spotlight, saying something totally ridiculous or downright offensive is going to draw far more attention than a balanced plea for world peace.

Movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn was somebody who always enjoyed the public eye and it has been suggested that his seemingly dopey quotes were in fact a cunningly contrived way of gaining newspaper inches. Maybe you should be the judge, with quotes like “It rolls off my back like a duck”, “A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on” and the highly prophetic (especially today) “This will start with a bang in Hollywood and degenerate throughout the whole world”.

THE HIT LIST: The Eastern suburbs of Sydney can sometimes be a live music wasteland with a distinct lack of regular live music venues. Not to despair entirely as there’s a great night happening at the Maroubra Sports Club on Thursday 4 December with some of Sydney’s finest blues soul and musicians including Continental Robert Susz, Matt “The Rumble” Morrison and popular Eastside Radio drive time presenter Eric Gyors. All in all, there are six great musicians in this all star combo, playing a heady mix of soul, down home blues and funky grooves. The Sports Club is situated at the cnr of Malabar Rd and Mon Ave, one block from the beach.