The Naked City: The shoot ‘em, suck ‘em, sugar frenzy pig out bag!
They were originally called ‘sample bags’, were made of good old fashioned paper and believe it or not they were actually free! From the early 1900s onwards, the large Australian grocery and confectionary manufacturers would hand out thousands of these early show bags at Sydney’s Royal Easter Show, full of miniature versions of their popular products.
Today the bags are plastic, full of sugary muck and cheap plastic toys and priced to make a huge hole in the average family budget, not to mention the kids’ teeth. That is the cynical view and the public will no doubt walk away with millions of the suckers from the staggering 336 on offer. When you have already eaten a dagwood dog, a waffle dog and enough fairy floss to stuff a pillow, it only makes sense to leave the show with even more fat and sugar. Luckily the sturdy plastic bags are always on hand for the inevitable chunder on the long train trip home.
The bags are all approved beforehand by the RAS, at least in terms of so-called dangerous items and anything that might offend or be in bad taste for the kiddies especially. That doesn’t include plastic weaponry and there’s a veritable armoury of ninja knives, machine guns and AK-47s in bags such as the ‘Police Detective’ and ‘Special Forces’.
Oh yes, it’s a sad indictment of today’s society when the best we have to offer the next generation is the ‘Darrel Lea Pig Out Bag’ and a plastic sniper rifle, all luridly packaged in a non degradable plastic bag, destined only for landfill. Maybe it’s time for the showbag police to engage in a radical rethink and allow room for a series of bags that would carry some real philosophical clout – offensive maybe, but designed to make showgoers sit up and think. In the interests of combatting childhood obesity, endemic corruption, social justice and promoting world peace, we offer the following suggestions:
THE WHO WANTS TO BE A FAT BASTARD BAG: Contains an inflatable sumo suit and a mirror so kids can envisage what they’ll look like if they keep eating Twisties and Freddo Frogs.
THE WHO SHOT BAMBI BAG: No plastic shooters here as kiddies put together a cute 3D Disney-style jigsaw. Whoops there is one piece missing and that’s the hole in Bambi’s head.
THE KIM JONG-UN BAG: Comes complete with a stamped, addressed, jiffy bag to Pyongyang and a personal note to Kim suggesting he put the bag over his head to hide that shocking haircut. Preferably cutting off his oxygen supply in the process.
THE TONY ABBOTT FREE TRADE BAG: The packaging is great, but once inside the bag, there’s nothing of any real substance – in fact, it’s completely empty!
THE GEORGE BRANDIS BIGOT IN A BAG: Comes with a T-shirt inscribed “PEOPLE DO HAVE A RIGHT TO BE BIGOTS”, free membership to Aryan Nations and pics of your favourite shock jocks.
THE EDDIE OBEID/ARTHUR SINODINOS BAG: Sorry, we don’t seem to recall what’s in this one?
THE HIT LIST: Felucca are a hip jazz collective that strive for originality, spontaneity, groove and beauty in their music and this they will certainly be doing when they launch their debut album Pierrot for Jazzgroove Records at the Foundry in Ultimo on Saturday April 26. If you like your music with lots of edge, surprises and creativity, then this is a gig for you.
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