NAKED CITY: THE SNOWLESS WINTER OLYMPICS

For many people around the world the most lingering image of the recent Sochi Winter Olympics was the vision of Pussy Riot group members being brutally whipped and assaulted by a posse of Russian Cossacks. Rumour has it that many in less enlightened countries mistook this for an officially sanctioned Olympic sport and wondered why it was not extended to include gays and lesbians as other potential victims.

Unfortunately for all of the positives promoted surrounding the billion-dollar Sochi games, the stink of current Russian politics could not be disguised – despite all the sanitising and odorising applied by the IOC. That’s nothing new for the Olympics of course, where Hitler’s 1936 Berlin games set the standard for sport as a propaganda vehicle.

Whilst Australia has staged two highly successful ‘summer’ Olympics, largely free of any political undertones, maybe it’s now time we put in a bid for the winter version and whilst our snowfields are probably not up to international scratch, there is an alternative – grass!

For many years in Sydney, Moore Park was a haven for grass skiers and tobogganers with the major downhill run dubbed Mount Steele. In 1985 the Sydney City Council extended the operator’s opening hours to 8pm on weekends so skiers could enjoy the extra hours of daylight saving. Unlike Sochi where snow was often in short supply, Moore Park had plenty of grass and the Grass Ski Club of Sydney flourished there.

Sydney could easily host an all-grass version of the Winter Olympics and as a rebuttal to the homophobic fog which hung over the Sochi Olympics, ours could be held to co-incide with the annual Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras  (or is that Mardi Grass?). All events would be held on turf including the skating and curling, which might require some modification, but would certainly prove spectacular if staged in venues like the Sydney Town Hall or Opera House forecourt.

For years we have been banging our heads together wondering what could be done with the former toxic wasteland known as Cockatoo Island. Rock, film and comedy festivals have all come a cropper but the island would be ideally suited for the construction of a giant downhill ski run, stunningly contoured in all-white Astroturf. Once the Olympics were over the venue could remain as our own all year round ‘winter’ wonderland, attracting skiers from all over the world itching to try out their technique on grass. No chance of an avalanche here and perhaps the only casualties would result from the occasional overenthusiastic ‘carpet burn’ at the popular après ski lodge.

Naturally there would be a huge cultural festival to compliment the games and fittingly Russia’s entire Pussy Riot collective would be invited as the guests of honour. Images of our own Vladimir Putin, PM Tony Abbott, warmly embracing them on the slopes of Mount Cockatoo would be flashed around the globe. Letting the world know that sport should be all about love and should never be tainted with politics, prejudice and hatred.