NAKED CITY: THE ‘DO NOT RESUSCITATE PACKAGE’

When The Beatles played a series of shows at the old Sydney Stadium at Rushcutters Bay back in 1964, you would have expected all of their dates to have been complete sell-outs – such was the publicity and fervour that surrounded their first and only Australian concert tour. The dilapidated venue, little more than a big ten shed, could hold 10,000 fans, but hundreds of tickets still went begging.

Maybe this had something to do with the quality of seating available because way back in 1964, what we now know as ‘priority seating’ was well in practice. Originally erected as a temporary boxing venue, the stadium had three distinct levels of seating. The top priced seats were known as ‘ringside’ and for this you actually got a conventional theatre chair. Next in the pecking order came the ‘terrace’ which featured bench like seating and finally, for the very budget minded, there were the bleachers. Framed in chicken wire to prevent beer bottles being thrown during boxing stoushes the bleachers were not for the faint-hearted. Elevated at the very rear of the venue you found yourself precariously perched on a narrow piece of planking with a sizeable drop to the floor below.

These days so-called priority seating has been refined to extract every possible dollar out of the music-loving punter. Witness the forthcoming Rolling Stones tour where the top seats are being offered at well over $500 and the starting price is just shy of $200. Similarly most of the big-name imported acts offer special backstage packages, priced at up to $1,000, where you get to meet the artist, have your photo taken and munch down on a plate of Jatz crackers. Long gone are the old days of camping outside the venue or the local Ticketek outlet to grab the best seats. Not only are the majority of sales online, many of the best seats are reserved for selected credit card patrons or corporate sponsors.

In fairness to the Stones they are offering a selected number of ‘Lucky Dip’ tickets via their website where fans can take their chances of securing a seat for only $90. Given the fact that it could well be their last ever tour of this country and that many of the band’s fans are well into their seventies themselves, we would love to see the introduction of a ‘Do Not Resuscitate Package’. Fans over seventy-five would be offered a host of extras including priority seating in a Smokey Dawson recliner, a pair of Keith Richard’s monogrammed fluffy slippers and a Dawn Fraser foot massager, canapés on wheels courtesy of Meals on Wheels and free valet parking for their zimmer frame. Top it off with a free will kit, in case they die before the actual concert, and the tix can be bequeathed to a favourite grandchild.

Okay it all sounds a bit horribly ageist but don’t forget that these are the same over seventy fans who once defied death, dangling their teenage limbs from the dizzying heights of the old stadium bleachers. If the Stones themselves can have a full medical team of heart, lung and liver specialists standing by in their backstage dressing rooms, then surely their equally vintage fans deserve likewise.

THE HIT LIST: The Jazzgroove Association is gearing up for next January’s Jazzgroove Festival with a huge Christmas Party fundraiser at the Basement on Tuesday December 17, featuring The Coggins/Henderson band, The Venusians and the Jazzgroove All-Star Band along with a mega raffle and a unique trivia game. The association has been supporting local musicians for over fifteen years and all proceeds from the night will go towards continuing this great work. Details at jazzgroove.com