NAKED CITY: NO SMALL BARS ON MARS!

Bas Lansdorp, the Dutch entrepreneur who plans to start a human colony on Mars by the year 2023, is no Clive Palmer pie in the sky visionary – at least if you check out his list of academic qualifications. He’s a master of science and has worked in the area of scientific research for many years. As such you think he would have considered all angles when it comes to starting a brave new world on a planet so environmentally hostile as Mars.

Given that his six billion dollar project can actually transport the initial infrastructure, colonists and some 2,500 kilograms of food safely onto the planet, we wonder what life would be like on a destination that can take up to seven months to reach, in what is essentially a one way trip from Earth. The latter has not deterred some 200,000 punters worldwide who have registered for selection as the elite group of two men and two women who will make the maiden voyage.

It’s not hard to see why so many have applied to be part of the Mars One project, especially when it involves a TV reality show as part of the selection process, not to mention its sheer mind-boggling novelty. It’s also easy to see why so many have branded the project a hoax given such “minor considerations” as the lack of oxygen, the dangerous radiation, the freezing temperatures, the constant dust storms and the need to source water from frozen ice buried in the ground.

There would be no sunning yourself on a deckchair in the harsh Martian environment. Any outings would involve a substantial space suit and life would be contained to the cramped space of the claustrophobic modules, unless some kind of subterranean extension could be achieved.

Given that some food could be grown, greenhouse style, it’s unlikely that it would be anything but vegan and once the initial worldly spice rack was exhausted, it would be akin to the kind of diet enjoyed by a rabbit. Unlike the International Space Station which can be regularly restocked with earthly goods, the seven-month journey and the sheer cost of importing anything would mean the colonists would have to make do with everything homegrown.

There would be some communication with earth and maybe even a long distance Foxtel connection could be established but entertainment would be like supplies of oxygen – extremely thin on the ground. We don’t even dare to consider the psychological effects of such severe isolation, not to mention the inbreeding that might occur with such an initial population base.

Rather that fantasize about the ways in which a human population could survive and indeed multiply on Mars it’s probably more entertaining to think of the reasons why they couldn’t. Just think of everything you take for granted in life, including a roll of fluffy toilet tissues everytime you visit the bathroom, and you’ll soon realise what you would be missing!

THE HIT LIST: My Sauce Good are a combo who describes their sound as continental stylists and it’s definitely a breath of fresh air in an often-jaded music scene. The group are releasing a brand new EP called Orphan Spirit in the Rococo splendour of Kings Cross Hotel’s Bordello Theatre on Wednesday September 18th.

Check them out here.