NAKED CITY: BRING ON THE BUNGA BUNGA!
It’s all part of the cultural cringe and an instant way of boosting our self esteem. Australia loves a guest international celebrity and Sydney leads the way when it comes to laying out the welcome mat, often at the taxpayers expense. Whether it’s Oprah, Ellen or Angelina, enjoying the sites of the harbour and surrounds, we all love the idea of celebrities gushing over “how wonderful your beautiful city is”.
A big event is not a big event unless it’s headlined by some imported overseas celeb and seemingly no expense is spared to lure them down under. The latest noteable to enjoy the Emerald City largesse is Royal party boy and Nazi memorabilia afficionado Prince Harry, bound to send the tabloids into apoplexy when he fronts for something called The International Fleet Review on Sydney Harbour. The event itself is almost irrelevant – just having Harry in town and trailing his every movement, which will no doubt include a local costume hire supply, is what really matters.
Boring! That’s right. Almost everybody who fronts for the celebrity roster is safe and boring. Prince Harry obviously learnt his lesson in Las Vegas and it’s unlikely we’ll see him disrobing at the Ivy or posing for nude selfies at one of John Ibrahim’s nightclubs. Oprah and Ellen were so orchestrated and stage-managed that any sniff or controversy was quickly sanitised with another spray of top-shelf air freshener and PR pap.
So what can we do to put some spark into the celebrity freeloading scene, make a mockery of the cultural cringe and encourage a flood of eager international tourists? Berlusconi! It’s the one name guaranteed to really put Sydney under the international spotlight and have the global paparazzi descending in truckloads. Now that Silvio has pulled his party out of the Italian Government and managed to escape yet another jail sentence, the opportunity to bring ‘Bunga Bunga’ to Sydney has never been more opportune.
Forget about Lady Gaga’s proposed reprise of her Monsters Ball at the Sydney Town Hall, that’s the perfect venue for our first ever officially sanctioned Bunga Bunga party and surely the hottest ticket in town. Rather than stack the joint with our own dull as ditch water A-grade celebs, we’d love to see the State Government and Sydney Council play host to busloads of swingers from Western Sydney making this a truly egalitarian occasion. Silvio of course would be surrounded by the inevitable bevy of saucy and salacious babes, although in the interests of good taste would sign a contract agreeing to keep all activities strictly platonic – at least until he retired to his six star penthouse. He could possibly spin a few tunes in the DJ booth or twerk a little on the dance floor but overall his mere presence would guarantee a sellout event.
Those not able to secure a ticket would be encouraged to stage their own Bunga Bunga, be it a modest affair in a suburban bungalow or a massive knees up in the auditorium of their local leagues club. After a whole week of Silvio, including a guest spot on Dancing With The Stars and a ticker tape parade down Norton Street, we’d soon realise that the whole thing was an enormous folly, like all the celebrity ‘pat on the back’ tours. If these overseas big names are so keen on coming to Sydney, then why not let them pay their own way entirely. That way we’ll see just how keen they really are to grace our ‘beautiful’ shores!
