THE NAKED CITY – with Miss Death, Jay Katz and Coffin Ed
The Naked City Gong Show – Circa 2009!
It’s that time of year when regurgitation is everywhere – at office Christmas parties, in “animal boats” on the harbour, in the back seat of taxis on the way home from special celebrations and at its very worst – in the media! Everybody is encouraged to list the best and worst of 2009 and here at The Naked City we are no different – so let the bulimia nervosa rip as we throw up a bellyful of brickbats and bouquets.
The Golden Sod: Awarded for both the most ridiculous and most creative waste of public money and the winner is Breakfast on the Bridge. Turfing the roadway on the old coathanger so a select few could partake of toast and marmalade belies belief, especially when the cost hit around $1,115,000. It would have been cheaper to shout everybody at Maccas.
Prophesy In Song Award: When local ska legends The Porkers recorded Swingin’ Like Tiger Woods they had no idea how prophetic that title would become.
Lifetime Achievement Award: Vittorio Bianchi at the Piccolo Bar, Kings Cross. If the Sydney City Council had any sense of social history they would have erected a statue to Vito in Roslyn Street years ago!
Zombies Are More Fun Than Vampires Best Film Award: Zombieland
Best Album: Turtledoves & Oatstraws – Bud Petal. Cerebral freaky folkster Bud Petal produced an outstanding album deserving of much wider play.
Worst Album: Susan Boyle Sings Nirvana (Polka Style) – don’t laugh, it’s already in the can.
Best Book: Crooks Like Us – Peter Doyle
Best International Touring Artist: Burlesque queen Angie Pontani
Best Venue: Red Rattler – Marrickville, (Qirkz a close second)
Outstanding Cultural Achievement: Tino La Bamba’s bicycle ride to Lismore
Outstanding Independent Promoter: Russell Beattie – Tender Loins
Best Indie Record Shop: Mojo Music, 32 York St Sydney. One of the last great indie record shops where you can enjoy a beer with the owner and chat for hours about your favourite music
Best Coffee Shop: Piccolo Bar, Roslyn St, Kings Cross
Best Bookshop: Basement Books, Central
Best Heritage Band Not Entirely Dependent on Self-Medication: Grong Grong
Justice Finally Served Award: Phil Spector jailed minus his collection of wigs
Most Overhyped: The Shamwah
Biggest International Evil: The Slanket or Twitter (take you pick).
Most Shocking International Event: Joe Tripodi’s bill at a New York steakhouse
Greatest Threat To Mankind: Climate skeptics and ill-fitting speedos responsible for overheated testicles
Political Bravery Medal: Nick Xenophon hits out at Scientology
Most Awful International Celebrity: Lady Ga Ga
Blight On Humanity In 2009 Award: Ditto above
Things We Would Like To See in 2010: Woollies at Town Hall listed by the National Trust and plans for that appalling civic square abandoned, Absinthe-flavoured toothpaste, Breakfast on the M5, Joe Tripodi becoming a vegetarian, Kristina Keneally having a red hot go, Kyle Sandilands joining a community of Trappist monks and taking a year-long vow of silence, Gilligan’s Island seceding from the Commonwealth, Breakfast on the Wild Mouse at Luna Park, peace, prosperity and happiness and a Shamwah free world.
THE HIT LIST:
Sinatra Rocks the Basement – Jeff Duff, Frank Bennet, Grant Galea, Sat 19 December, The Basement: What better way to celebrate the festive season than this huge Christmas spectacular at the Basement starring Jeff Duff, Frank Bennett and Grant Galea? Sydney’s own rat pack injecting new life into the songs of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jnr, Bobby Darin and lots more. www.thebasement.com.au. Early Bird admission standing: $25 + bf for first 100 tix, gen. admission standing: $29 + bf.
Sounds of Seduction New Year’s Eve, Annandale Hotel $20+BF pre sale (ph: 9550 1078) $25 @ the door: This New Year’s Eve the Sounds of Seduction is out to raise the dead, unleashing a graveyard full of celebrity zombies, those whose worth has miraculously quadrupled since their mysterious deaths and those who simply refuse to die – yeah, the living dead (and they are everywhere!). Come as your favourite celebrity, zombie-style (or just come as yourself) and join in the mayhem of a night out with George A Romero at the local shopping mall. www.mumeson.org
