NAKED CITY – EXPORTING THE OZ

With Coffin Ed.

What is it about our constant desire to be loved and appreciated overseas, not so much with our military intrusions in countries like Iraq and Syria, but with our cultural and sporting exports? Only last weekend we saw yet another Australian intruder in the Eurovision Song Contest whilst footy players battled the heavily polluted air of Shanghai in a round of the AFL competition in China.

We love the idea of foreign countries lapping up these ambassadors of Australiana and no doubt get a bigger thrill than the countries that actually host them. For years the major sporting codes like Rugby League and AFL have been intent on pushing their product overseas with both exhibition matches and transported club rounds. Ironically it’s Aussie expats who have often made up most of the audience whenever League is played in the US or AFL in the UK.

It’s often been said that it’s our geographic isolation that compels us to reach out to the rest of the world in this way and there’s probably some truth in that argument. The internet has made that public relations exercise a lot easier although there’s nothing like having troops on the ground. Witness the annual cringeworthy G’Day Australia Gala (or is that Galah?) which takes place in the US, complete with the usual list of Australian movie stars, celebrity cooks and pop singers as well as fellow travellers like John Travolta. It’s said to be all about promoting Australia as a tourist destination but it probably gets more media coverage here, than it actually does in the US.

There are of course those occasional outbursts of Aussie jingoism abroad that cause even more embarrassment than the G’Day Australia junket. Remember the group of homegrown private school boys who ran foul of the authorities when they paraded at the Malaysian Grand Prix in their budgie smugglers. Even the normally pro ‘Aussie’ local tabloid press failed to see the joke and they were heavily chastised for their stupidity.

If we are to continue with our promotion of iconic Australiana abroad, let’s look beyond the sporting codes and a group of expat movie stars who have long since deserted us for the lure of Hollywood. And forget about spending millions of dollars in charming the international art world with our pavilion at the Venice Biennale. We need to get back to basics and wow the global community with some uniquely Australian attractions.

Here’s just one example of promoting some antipodean excitement abroad. It might at first sound ridiculous but if Kangaroos can be taught to box, then they can certainly be trained to simulate a performance at the piano as was envisaged many years ago. And why stop at a keyboard? An orchestra of Australian marsupials, exclusively tutored to play a variety of instruments would be a sensation wherever it toured. There are also certain wrongs that need to be righted abroad, perpetrated by some notorious ‘professional’ Australians like the once popular Rolf Harris. Remember the appalling incitement to animal cruelty, Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport. An orchestra of ‘roos, albeit miming to a pre-recorded tape, would emphasise that it is Mr Harris who needs to be permanently restrained, not our beloved Skippy.