THE NAKED CITY – THE MEDIUM IS THE MASSAGE
It’s hard to walk through the streets of the Sydney CBD these days without having a flyer, advertising “Thai Oil Massage – $49”, thrust into your reluctant hand. Likewise, young men and women decked out in sandwich boards or holding placards congregate on numerous street corners, hawking a similar service. The ‘massage’ biz is obviously booming.
Not only is it booming, it’s obviously extremely competitive, given the enthusiasm and at times ferocity of some of the flyer distributors. We would prefer to think that it’s all essentially therapeutic––without the kind of “add-ons” offered by other higher priced services, a.k.a. the bona fide knock shops. But hey, that’s something that only those who frequent these exotic lubritoriums can reveal.
We’d be interested to know just what the City of Sydney Council thinks of the proliferation of these premises, given that they not only operate from private apartments but in run of the mill office buildings as well. Cast your eyes upwards as you stroll down George Street towards Broadway and you’ll soon spot their seductive signs flashing brightly from numerous windows. Like the so called ‘convenience stores’ which spread like a rash during the 90s, the massage biz is eating up the real estate.
Amongst the many signs that flicker provocatively from building windows, we recently noticed one which flashed “Hong Kong Massage”. How this style of therapy differs from the traditional Thai variety, we aren’t too sure, but our imagination leads us to suggest an interesting innovation. How about the “King Kong Massage”, where a man or woman (you will never know) comes out in a gorilla suit and gives you the kind of vigorous primate to primate rubdown that even Dian Fossey could not imagine. Totally above board of course, with the happy ending derived purely from your more spiritual interaction with an evolutionary species. Warning––this kind of massage is unlikely to appeal to creationists.
So here’s the rub––pardon the expression. If the numerous CBD massage services are to survive they definitely need to innovate. There’s definitely an opening for the more colourfully costumed masseuse, whether it’s a monkey suit, a character out of Star Wars or something more Disneyesque, like Goofy or Minnie Mouse. And as for the oil itself, who’s to know whether you are being lubricated with the finest premium massage oil or something that would usually kick off a stir fry. The “Gourmet Thai Massage” would offer patrons the choice of everything from Nutella to Dencorub when it comes to soothing those aching muscles and joints. Imagine the sensory experience of having a whole tin of Teriyaki Spam manipulated gently through your toes, with the leftovers presented in a complimentary jaffle.
The possibilities are endless, and whilst we are not encouraging the plague-like spread of the “Thai Oil Massage” we do admire their enterprise. Where is that big girl or guy in the gorilla suit?
