THE NAKED CITY with Coffin Ed, Miss Death & Jay Katz

THE PARTY POOPERS GUIDE TO THE ROYAL WEDDING

Celebrating everything that is bad about the Royal Family

We might be a minority but surely there are thousands, if not millions of Australians with as much interest in the forthcoming Royal nuptials as we have in the latest Lady Gaga publicity stunt. As the media madness mounts we are staggered to read that royalists all over Sydney will be holding all night parties just to goggle at the Royal Wedding telecast in real time.

So what about the backlash from republicans and those who find the constant bombardment of celebrity pap re the balding Willy and his anorexic bride to be about as annoying as a plague of fire ants. Why not organize you very own protest party, one that emphasizes everything that is rotten about the Royal family, its sordid history and its total irrelevance in 2011. Here are just a few suggestions:

The Camilla Parker Bowles Punky Pun Party:

Guests are awarded free drinks from a punch bowl laced with valium for the most outrageous puns they can come up with to describe Royal adulteress Camilla – like Camilla Crappy Bowels or Camlla Carpet Bowls or the atrocious Camilla Duchess of (not Cornwall) but Cornpads.

The Prince Charles Mega Tampon Flush:

Nobody likes a clogged up toilet but guests are encouraged to flush hundreds of tampons down the host’s loo as the spicy interchange of the Camillagate Tapes is acted out by a couple of mildly inebriated guests mimicking late night poshy pillow talk.

The Prince Charles Edward Nazi Talkathon:

He’s the royal nobody likes to talk about – the grandson of Queen Victoria who became not only a high ranking Nazi but head of the infamous German Red Cross. Yes that’s the nasty sicko bastard pictured with Hitler above. At this party he is the only royal partygoers are allowed to discuss before they are encouraged to stick their fingers down their throats and throw up in disgust.

The Let’s Type in Duke Of Edinburgh on ancestry.com

Forget about locating Barack Obama’s birth certificate – there’s far more dirt to be dug up on the Queen’s boorish sidekick than there is excavating the whole of Barangaroo. Each guest is provided with their own laptop and a free subscription to ancestry.com. Whatever happened to three of Phillip’s sisters who all married Nazis and were barred from his marriage to the current Queen in 1947? And hey it looks like Phillip and Liz are actually distant cousins. We thought that the sort of union only happened in the Ozarks!

The Queen Mother Séance:

Why you would want to channel the “ghastly old bigot” that was the Queen Mother? No wonder she lived to 101 – she never did a hard days work in her life. The idea of waking her suddenly from the dead does have a sizeable mischief factor however!

And finally – The Why Would Anybody Want To Get Married On April 29 Big Question Asked Party?

With all these latent  Nazi references it’s kinda spooky that April 29 is generally acknowledged as the date Hitler married his mistress Eva Braun shortly before they self-euthanized. Guests are encouraged to don the Prince Harry party gear and swallow fake cyanide pills as they constantly exclaim?

“Who said these marriages made in heaven lasted anyway?”